Waiting for Illumination

Make this a time to receive your own wisdom

Photo by Claudia Ramírez on Unsplash

This is the time in the cycles where I invite you to take a pause, reflect, allow yourself to be steeped in the unknown, in the darkness of this time of year. In preparation, for the light and the illumination that comes on the Winter Solstice. There is a reason why I celebrate the Solstice with such joy. It is because this space and time I take in the unknown, is very uncomfortable for me, and yet I do it anyway. My card carrying inner Impatience Queen revolts. I do it because I know without the pause, and the excavation into what is longer working, in my personal, spiritual, emotional, physical and work life is necessary in order to make space for what is ready to be birthed. That doesn't mean it's easy, it just means it's necessary.

Often, when we willingly embark upon this journey different feelings comes up, and we are invited to be with them. I often get a little melancholic, inspiration seems far, far away, which is even more difficult for me, as it is my sacred assignment to inspire myself and others. So when I am not feeling inspired, my ego likes to tell me I will never have another inspirational idea again. Which of course, I know is not true. What I really know is when I allow this pause, I am making room for something probably bigger than I would ever dream possible, if I didn't allow this time, and/or keep cranking out ideas to the external world. This year I am actually very inspired, so I am having the internal dialogue of “should I keep moving and working on these ideas or should I still take the space to let them brew in the cauldron?” I know the answer.

I actually have no problem living in a constant cycle of destroying and creating. If x doesn't work I detach from it and create y. Many people have a much more difficult time letting go but my grip on things or permanence is fairly loose. However, that can be exhausting, and sometimes I destroy things too easily without preserving the pieces that need to move forward with me. I tend not to carry a lot of baggage but once in awhile I realize I left the diamond in it. It's when I am in the winter energy of letting go, PAUSING to wait, and then creating the re-birth that is difficult for me. And for most of us. It is the fear that I will "let it all go" or all that is not working...which right now seems like a lot, and have nothing left. A complete and total rebirth and re-creation. I know that is not true, I know I have created a lot to celebrate, and to continue to nourish and somehow my soul is yearning for something new, something mythic, because that excites me. But what I really know when I go deeper is that this next cycle of time for me is about Re-generation which takes on many meanings for me.But it is not about destroying what was and creating something brand new. It is about weaving together the old and new, refining, regenerating, stewarding. And so I sit in the emptiness waiting for what that might look like, and what that could mean. I know the texture of it but I don’t know the shape of it yet.

I always ride a roller-coaster between wanting to change nothing and build upon what I have created and to create something brand new and novel. But what if there is a sacred third? And I know there is, hence why I stay in this internal, reflective deeptime, until the Solstice when things become illuminated, and they always do. And as a time to celebrate the letting go and the rebirth, the illumination with my family and community. It's why I adore the Solstice and celebrate it every year. I know there is an emergence into the light, that would not be possible if I didn't spend some time in the dark, despite its discomfort.

So loves, are you willing to take this pause, to really SEE with fresh eyes, what wants to flow to and through you? Are you willing to surrender to and trust that voice that tells you to pause and wait before you act? And for Goddess sake refrain from doing a vision board, strategy, and list of goals. Now is not the time. Now is the time to go deeper into the dream.

I would love to hear what is beginning to emerge for you, from this place of quiet and darkness.

I will leave you with a favorite chant for this time of year to really bring you to that place. I wish I could remember where it came from.

Set sail, set sail

One thing becomes another in the realm of the Mother

I visualize myself crossing the River Lethe with the Goddess Mnemosyne the Goddess of Memory (deep time memory) and the mother of the Muses. Crossing to the Underworld where I forget the vestments I no longer need and remember what I am really here to do. The journey is lit by floating candles and there is always a sense of mourning and excitement allowing for both things to be true.